The Power of Awareness in Relationships

I let out an audible laugh when I read, "that's the stuff I question if it's manipulation." I know now that I had been wrestling with this familiar pattern all along. From the very beginning, I recognized it. I knew it, yet I chose to overlook it, to ignore it, to give him the benefit of the doubt because, after all, “he’s protecting himself.”

I understood he was scared of being hurt, even if he'd never admit it. Looking back, I realize I probably didn’t fully grasp the depth of his mother’s trauma then; otherwise, it would have been glaring. Trust issues ran deep for him, especially with women. And as I slipped into my therapist hat, I felt justified in my compassion. I thought, “He’s a good guy. A great catch. He only has some trauma.” I convinced myself I could handle it. It felt too good to let go, right?

But here's the thing: by doing that, I completely overlooked my own needs. I put his fears above my boundaries. I kept telling myself that love was about working through it together—and he constantly drilled that into my head—that I could manage his struggles while grappling with my own. It felt like such a noble thing to do, but honestly, looking back, I see it was a dangerous game to play.

I clearly questioned what was acceptable and what crossed the line into manipulation. When does understanding someone’s trauma become enabling behavior that chips away at my own self-worth?

Reflecting on this, I see that my willingness to overlook red flags stemmed from a deep desire to save someone else, even at the cost of my own emotional safety. I wanted to believe in the potential of what we could build together, even as the cracks began to show. But I allowed myself to be blinded by the idea that love meant ignoring the pain, which only deepened the confusion.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, I urge you to take a moment to pause and reflect. Are you turning a blind eye to signs of manipulation or unhealthy patterns in the name of love? Are you sacrificing your own well-being to accommodate someone else’s fears?

Relationships require a delicate balance of compassion for one another and accountability to ourselves. It’s more than okay to recognize that while someone may have experienced pain, it doesn’t grant them a free pass to hurt you. Love must empower both of you to heal, not trap one of you in the shadows of the other’s unresolved trauma.

Ultimately, I learned that healing is a shared journey. It’s not about saving someone from their past; it’s about uplifting each other to face it together. And through that process, remember to honor your own experiences and prioritize your emotional health. Because love doesn’t have to feel like a sacrifice—it can be a beautiful journey of freedom and growth.