Unveiling My Truth

This journal entry was a hard read, and this blog post is just as difficult. I tear up and feel somber thinking and reflecting on it. This is a full transparency moment: he was married. This is something I've debated whether to share because, one, it's embarrassing. Two, it's disgusting. Three, the bigger part of my healing journey is overcoming the emotional abuse and helping others in similar situations.

I've prayed about it, and I've known the time to decide whether to share would come. I didn't think it would be so soon, and I didn't think I would, even though my prayers have resulted in my need to be fully honest in sharing my story. So here goes. This is my story, and I'm going to stand in it because it's made me the person I am today and the person I'm becoming, and it's led me to my purpose, so I embrace it.

I knew he was married, and he was very honest in saying he'd never leave. I chose to remain anyway, even if only for affection and quality time. I had so little self-worth that I was willing to accept far less than I deserved and wanted. I'd had such bad luck with men and such a desire to be loved, seen, and chosen that I diminished my self-respect.

"Why put yourself in another unwinnable situation?" Such a valid question, and one I wish I'd sat on and processed. It's a question I'm processing and working through now in therapy and through this journey because I'm so ready to be better. I'm so ready to choose and be different. I'm so ready to truly, thoroughly love, appreciate, and respect myself that I'm taking a chance by putting all of this out there.

Sharing the raw truth is uncomfortable. It's scary. It's nerve-wracking because I don't know the response, but I know this is what I need to be doing. I know this story needs to be told, if for nothing else, to truly heal from it and move on.

I also realize that my story may help others who find themselves in similar situations. It’s important to shed light on the complexities of relationships and the ways we can sometimes compromise our own values and self-worth. By being honest and open, I hope to provide support and encouragement to those who might be struggling with similar issues.

Thank you for being here with me as I navigate this path. Sharing these reflections helps me process and heal, and I hope it resonates with those of you who might be facing similar challenges.

Thank you so much for being here.